Mental + Physical Health

My posting has been pretty light lately and I want to talk about WHY.

I mentioned previously that I've had some chronic health issues and have been on the best worst drug, prednisone, for months. I found out last week that the prednisone train is stopping and I'm being kicked off - not voluntarily. My sinus issues have caused me to develop asthma, and without the prednisone, I have A LOT of trouble breathing. I'm still job hunting, which means I'm still uninsured and I'm broke, so I can't really afford to go to the doctor right now. Because I have a pre-existing condition, private insurance companies won't look at me and I'm not eligible for the state health insurance pool for a few more months. I understand my doctor's decision to take me off prednisone, but it's really frustrating to be left with pretty much NO options. I've been feeling AWFUL lately - emotionally and physically - and I know that these two things are related. You cannot underestimate how your physical health effects your emotional and mental health.

I've been trying to take care of myself in a way that nurtures health in both senses, but, you know, my emotional health wants brownies and pizza and that doesn't really benefit my physical health, so it's been a balancing act. If I'm honest, my emotional health usually wins, and prednisone LOVES storing fat (it is, after all, a stress hormone - fight or flight, baby) so I've gained a lot of weight.. which makes me feel badly for myself, which feeds right back into that emotional eating.

Going off prednisone is 90% completely terrifying to me and 10% exciting. I'm excited to not have to deal with all of these side effects, but I am so scared of how uncomfortable I'm going to be without it; scared to the point that I spent Friday morning crying on my couch, imagining trying to go to a job interview or learn the functions of a new job while in that wheezy, congested, non-medicated state. Even on my current low dose of prednisone, I find myself avoiding activities that might make it hard for me to breathe - simple things like vacuuming the apartment have triggered my asthma. Though I've been sick for much longer, I've only been dealing with the asthma for a few months and it's still very new to me - I don't know how bad it can get, or what to do if it does get bad.

This post is significantly more personal than I'm used to, but I really want to take this opportunity to say two things:

1. As far as I'm concerned, health insurance needs to be a right, not a privilege. I'm lucky enough to have a support system - both financial and emotional - that allows me to function even with a chronic illness, but most uninsured people in the U.S. don't. If we're the richest, most powerful country in the world, why aren't we taking care of our citizens?
2. If you're sick, go to the doctor. Find a doctor who will see you for a reduced rate. Go to a free clinic. Do what you have to do. Your health is IMPORTANT. Although my doctor won't blame me, I believe 100% that if I had gotten proper treatment when I first began feeling sick, I would not be sick right now.

So that's the state of the Princess & the P. Like I've said, blogging usually makes me feel better about things - if nothing else, it takes my mind off the fact that I am woefully unemployed - and things are looking much more positive in the job hunting department, so hopefully this is the turning point. Like my homeboy Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, the lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.

Dirty Little Secrets

I love Diet Dr. Pepper, cupcakes, and pizza.

I don't go to the gym every day.

Sometimes I don't finish books.

I leave my laptop power cord and cell phone charger plugged in for days at a time.

I don't drink as much water as I should.

I do laundry and run the dishwasher too often.

I've left the house in sweatpants. More times than I can count. Without shame.

My iTunes includes Britney Spears' discography.

Get it off your chest - what are YOUR dirtiest secrets?

Absent

I've been a blog slacker.

The holiday weekend was busy & exhausting, but the real reason I haven't been posting is because I've been having a tough week - being unemployed and friendless can really take its toll. I've been trying to look at all my free time as time to work on myself and make myself better, but the 90210-marathon-route is much easier somedays. Blogging definitely helps me feel LESS sorry for myself, so expect some updates this week!

♥ ♥ ♥

Housewifery Wednesday: Laundry Edition

Laundry is something that I'm kind of obsessive about - but I can kind of justify it.

Let me begin by saying:

1. I do laundry MULTIPLE times a week, which may seem ridiculous since it's only me & Boyfriend.

2. I've been on prednisone since Thanksgiving-ish and I've gained a lot of weight and - TMI! - gotten sweatier. Sooo attractive.

Pleasant, right? So here is my justification for obsessive laundering: since I'm fatter than usual, there are limited outfits that I'm willing to wear 'cause I'm too cheap/vain to buy Prednisone Made Me Fat Clothes. And since I'm sweatier than usual, these choice pieces of clothing must be laundered more frequently.

MOVING ON.. I've been having some Laundry Issues lately - detergent stains (which of course only happen on favorite fancy clothes) - which is a Major Problem, since I have a restricted wardrobe. I switched from bright a$$ blue Tide to a clear detergent, but am STILL finding those annoying blue spots (while we're on the subject, do YOU know why detergent is blue?), so I have begun to explore non-detergent options of laundering.

I found a number of homemade detergent options, but most of them result in what has been referred to as a "gelatinous slime," and I'm not really into that. So when I found this recipe on DIY Natural, I was sold. It has the same basic ingredients as the others - shaved soap, borax, and washing soda - but where the other recipes ask you to boil everything together with some water, thus producing the slime/gel, the DIY Natural recipes only asks you politely to mix them into a neat powder. How easy can it get!?

I had to try it. If only for you, my dedicated and loyal audience of Kristen and Stacy. Also for my clothes' sake.

The recipe is very straightforward and not all that pretty to look at, so I didn't take pictures, but I have some advice:

1. If you use a box grater, like me, use the smallest side. I used the second smallest side and my ingredients did not mix as well.
2. BE CAREFUL while grating! I managed to grate myself only once but dang. It's not fun.
3. If you're using a hard soap (like Fels-Naptha), don't worry about grating the  e n t i r e  thing - I saved the last nubbin to use as a pre-treater.
4. If your soap is scented, be sure that you like the scent. My laundry now smells wonderfully clean thanks to the Fels-Naptha, but I can only imagine my misery if I'd gone with something like Irish Spring.

I've been using ~1 tablespoon per load of laundry and that seems to work out nicely. Because my soap shavings are bigger than they should be, I try to stir my detergent up before I measure it out, just to make sure that I get a good combination of soap, borax, and washing soda. It's a very simple recipe and MUCH cheaper than buying the liquid stuff at the grocery store!

What kind of detergent do you use? Any laundry tips or advice?

Autumn Dreaming, part II

I have several dreams for the fall. I like to aim high.

1. Be gainfully employed. I really shouldn't complain, but I am so bored of sitting on the couch all day, watching Gilmore Girls, and playing the Sims. It's getting kind of depressing, guys. I need something to DO! I need money in my bank account!
2. Take full advantage of health insurance. This is an important part being gainfully employed, since I was denied private coverage. Health insurance means actually GETTING better instead of only FEELING better (more on this on Wednesday!).
3. Drop some lbs. Also related to health insurance. It's all connected! Get a job, get health insurance, get HEALTHY! I've been feeling badly for myself for being sick, which results in a lot of emotional eating - which I am working very hard to resist. Actually being sick is very discouraging when it comes to exercising - which I am also working on combating.
4. Own a J.Crew Schoolboy blazer. Yep. Totally frivolous. But hellooo, the Schoolboy blazer is totally iconic and timeless. Oh, the gold buttons.. the gold buttons!

What are you looking forward to in the autumn?

Don't Call It a Comeback

IT HAS BEEN SO LONG, FRIENDS.

Between wrapping up student teaching, finishing the semester, graduating, and moving, things have been cray-cray around here. But I've been in St. Louis for a few weeks now and things are pretty settled... or they will be, until I get a job and my lazy day routine is thrown out the window. (Crossing my fingers that'll be SOON!)

I'll be back tomorrow with some fresh things that I love on a Thursday.. and trust me, there are lotttttttts. Hope everything's been fabulous, dear Internet! ♥

Begin at the Beginning

Student teaching ends in 3 days. I am officially a Master of the Arts in Teaching in 5 days. Boyfriend & I are reunited in 12 days. Life is good! Recommend a book. Tell me your favorite snack. Give me packing/moving tips. Suggest a song. Talk to me!

Reminder

It comes when you need it.

April Resolutions

Taking a page from Kelsey's book and making some 5-times-a-week goals for the month of April.

• Go to bed on time
• Comment on blogs
• Floss mah teef
• Go for a walk/run
• Listen to Brand New (jk, jk!.... maybe)

Things I Love Thursday

♥ making plans ♥ VW's Preppy Princess ♥ my penguin Pillow Pet ♥ craigslist ♥ Nature's Wick at Target ♥ sliced apples ♥ Immortal Technique ♥ new blog love! ♥ Sally Hansen's Lovely Lilac (diggin' the urples lately) ♥ iced coffee ♥ my CamelBak Better Bottle ♥ Wikipedia ♥ suburban school districts (YEAH I SAID IT) ♥ being okay with it ♥ free stuff ♥ feeling welcome ♥ new Uggs ♥

A little short this week but I've been a busy bee! What do you love this week?

Full Disclosure

In order to be held accountable, I need to tell y'all what I'm giving up for Lent.  It's a serious list this year.. ready?

• Facebook
• Cheese
• Online shopping
• Soda

I'm having trouble deciding on my boundaries.  For example, is anything with carbonation considered soda?  Can I drink sparkling water?  Does cream cheese count as cheese?  And what are you giving up for Lent, anyway?

Welp, gotta get back to ignoring my blog so I can pretend to do work.

Confession

I am 11 years-old.

At my request, my sister bought me this for my birthday.

yep. that's a Pillow Pet.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my penguin and I have some grading to do.

So Can You

Anytime I'm nervous or unsure about doing something "hard" (like getting my Master's), I remind myself of all the dumb people I know who have already done it.  If they could do it, so can you, I tell myself.

Generally, this pep talk works and whatever I was anxious about doesn't turn out to be as hard as I'd thought.  This is NOT the case with student teaching.  I'm struggling hard and all the reminders aren't making me feel any better.. in fact, they're beginning to make me wonder if those dummies (and all those awful teachers) were secretly smarter than I am.

Oh Tuesday..

Status Report

Vacaaaaaaation! This week is midwinter recess and hoolordy, it couldn't have come sooner.  I was feeling like I was JUST making it day to day at school and we had a drama explosion last week, so it's a necessary break for everyone.  I'm in St. Louis for the week, hanging out with Boyfriend and Neko, pretending to do homework (and hopefully meeting up with Stacy!).

In addition to playing the Sims for hours on end, I've been embarking on many baking adventures and doing a lot of vegan research.  Without getting into the reasons that I'm currently vegetarian, I'm the kind of person who worries about feral and stray animals when the weather gets bad, so it's a pretty natural decision.

I've been talking with Jessica a lot lately about her own transition to veganism, and I've decided to make the move slowly; I don't have a dairy allergy like Jess does, so I can afford to take my time.  I've already begun replacing my health and beauty products with cruelty-free, vegan versions (goodbye, $2 shampoo!) and I'm also working on cutting back on dairy.  Last night I made vegan mac & cheese and was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it (I think Boyfriend even liked it too!); the vegan cheese I've had in the past has been pretty terrible, but this was rich and creamy and melty.

Besides the obvious benefits for animals and the Earth, I'm also hoping that a shift to veganism will help me eat more vegetables.  I'm a regular ol' vegetable hater, so I'm gonna do this the old fashioned way - exposure therapy.  I'm taking on one vegetable at a time, starting with my most hated: broccoli.  (Onions are actually my #1 Most Hated, but I'm just not ready for that yet!)  Does anyone have any foolproof broccoli recipes to convince me of their deliciousness?

In other news - J.Biebs got a hairscut and he still looks like a lesbian.

Aaaand moving on, I'm officially halfway through my first student teaching placement.  After vacation, I'll only have 3 weeks left!  It feels like I just started, in so many different ways - I feel like I haven't gotten the chance to actually teach anything yet, but I hope that's a result of all the learning that I've been doing.  Student teaching is a huge reality check; I've spent three semesters writing lesson plans for the perfect students that I teach in my imagination and it's been a hard adjustment to "real" students.  I really hope that I'm not messing up too terribly in my first placement; I know the second will be better. :]

What've you been up to, Internet?  What's the weather like where you are?

Quarter Life Crisis

I'd be lying if I said that, at less-than-a-month-shy-of-26, this was my first quarter life crisis.  I'm probably on about three or four.  At least.

The Problem: I'm 3 months away from my Master's in education and I don't want to be a teacher.  Or maybe I do, but not today.  Today I just want to do something fun and pretty.  Something that won't leave me feeling totally defeated and drained at the end of the week.  Something that, at the very least, I don't dread.

The Cause: I had my first observation today.  And my supervisor talked down to me and told me I had it All Wrong and that I need to spend the weekend Making It Right.  I'm not saying that I felt awesome about student teaching before this, because I didn't.  But I was making it.  Now I just want to throw in the towel, 2009-style.

The Solution: To be honest, I'm not really sure.  My short-term solution is to eat Doritos and watch last night's Vampire Diaries in bed.  Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow with my game face on and just do the damn thing.  Or maybe I'll need to eat croutons and watch Easy A in bed.  idk, idk.

Tell me about your impending, current, or past quarter life crisis.  Any advice for those of us in the thick of it?

21 Days

Tomorrow is a new day. It takes just 21 days to start a new habit or break an old one. Tomorrow is Day 1.

P.S.

Tomorrow is NOT ONLY the first day of student teaching, but also the first day of my very own self-proclaimed Change Your Life Challenge! ;) I've been a bump on a log lately and since student teaching will give me a lot more structure, I'm starting a DIET. (Not a crazy no-carbs type of diet.. just a healthier pattern of eating).  I'm pretty excited..?  Will report back.

On a related side note, my Twitter is locked for the next few months - student teaching & job hunting - which is kind of lame, but just request to follow! I promise I'll let you in.. my life isn't THAT top-secret.

And So It Begins..

I have been SO busy writing lesson plans and thinking up projects and making worksheets that I've been neglecting the Internet (or at least my blog).  My first week of student teaching begins next Monday, so I probably won't be blogging much for the next few months, but I promise that I'll do what I can.

In the meantime, my empty bank account has been fueling wild Polyvore set creations and huuuge additions to my Amazon wishlist.  My birthday isn't until March but don't worry - I'm ready for it.

birthday11 by missellajane featuring a hinged bangle

..... Oh.  The vitamins?  I SAID I was broke.

Pity Party

I don't necessarily like posting about my personal sh!t, but I've been feeling like a blob for awhile.  I had some allergy/autoimmune problems last year and they're starting to act up again (but I have health insurance this time around, haHA!).  I don't know about you guys, but it's really hard for me to get things done when I'm feeling gross.  Since my allergies are mostly respiratory, it's been tough to work out on any kind of regular basis, and feeling sick for so long makes me feel badly for myself... comfort food + limited exercise = blob.

yep, this is me.

I've been trying to keep track of what I eat lately in an effort to limit the comfort food, but not knowing when my lungs will be able to run again really bums me out (even brisk walking makes me wheezy right now, wahh).  I'm also trying to focus on things that I enjoy but haven't been making time for - like taking pictures and knitting.  What do you guys do when you're in a funk?

P.S. I promise that my next post will be more fun.

Restless

Sometimes I get really bored of my blog.  I can't figure out why it happens (so as to be better able to anticipate my next streak).  When I took my little blog-vacation in October I was just feeling so disinterested; I had a lot going on in my personal, off-line life, but I also felt like I didn't have anything interesting to write about.  I'm willing to blame part of this on the fact that my blog is kind of mish-mash, with no real, definable topic, but then I feel like that should keep my attention longer.

I'm feeling kind of bored of it right now.  Which is bad, since I just made a year-long commitment to it by becoming self-hosted.  Rosaline of  {this is glamorous} still uses Blogger, even though her blog is huugely popular - more popular than I could ever even dream of The Princess and the P being.  Maybe I should have stayed on WP so I wouldn't feel guilty about getting bored.

Bloggers, does this ever happen to you?  Any remedies/suggestions?